And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
