He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
