Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
