hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
These tits shall not be calmed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
