I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
