Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
