Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have tasted many bathrooms
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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