Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
