You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
