I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
