wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
