Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Vodka?
Forever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
