I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
