I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
