dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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