Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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