thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
