I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
