i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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