boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize