its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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