She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
