Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
