So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
