4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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