I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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