New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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