He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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