Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
