I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
