so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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