somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
