he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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