Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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