i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
