Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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