please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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