Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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