I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
