no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
