I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
