I wish I could teleport
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
