as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize