this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
