Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
