i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
