I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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