i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
