If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i came on her dog
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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