We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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