Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize