I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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