I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
a search helicopter?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
