I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
