just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
