Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
