How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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