I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
