I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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