I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
