i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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