Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just pee around me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
