you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
