So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
