i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
