just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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