I'm really into asian looking animals
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
