Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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