I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
