Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
